Conversion Essay

Or

“My Big Fat Jewish Conversion”

I can’t say that I’ve written about myself since college.  And that essay hardly had the life altering, metaphysical implications that this one has.  The following should shed a considerable amount of light on the circumstances and events in my life that have led me down the road of Judaism.  Not being sure of where to begin, I’ll start at the beginning.

I was born to parents of mixed heritage; my mother being half Catholic and half Lutheran and my father half Catholic and Jewish.  My mother, Joan, went through years of Catholic school and had pretty much stopped buying into the basics of Catholicism by the age of 15.  She described it to me as waking up on morning and realizing the contradictions of the Trinity (“God, Jesus and some Holy Spirit are the same person??!!”) was completely out of tune with her personal belief system.  Not that she wasn’t spiritual, but she had recognized that organized religion was not for her and she quit subscribing to it soon thereafter.

My father, , was never religious.  (He was thrown out both Hebrew and Catholic school.  But that is another story completely.)  This stemmed from my Grandmother not being very religious and Grandfather being a very, very reformed Jew.  The background on this is that my Great-Grandfather has built a schule in Northern Illinois, during the depression, and the congregation never paid him for his work.  He quit sending his children there.  My Grandfather was nine.  Later in life, he never forced religion upon my Dad.  And it probably wouldn’t have stuck.

Basically, neither one of my parents are religious and they did not raise my brothers, or I, to be religious.  This is not to say that I was not exposed religion.  Both of my Catholic Grandmothers baptized me.  Secretly.  (Well, I guess not that secretly.)  My family celebrated Christmas, but it was really more of an excuse for the kids to demand presents and there were no religious overtones.  We actually got to open presents when the sun went down on Christmas Eve.   I did not realize, until a later age, that this was in the style of Jewish holidays and guess that this was an acknowledgement of my parents to our mixed heritage.

Throughout my childhood my parents both worked.  My dad worked brutal hours selling cars and my mother worked 50 to 60 weeks at an office.  The most constant person in my life was my Grandfather.  As he got older, he embraced his Jewish heritage much more than earlier in his life.  I learned Yiddish from him.   I spent time with him for every Seder and spent every weekend starting out at Barnum and Bagel and then going horse riding or hunting or visiting with his brothers and sisters.    He was the youngest of 13 and all of his (our) family were practicing Jews.  I felt a connection with Judaism from a young age and identified myself as being Jewish. 

My Grandfather died when I was about 15.  Rabbi Brief actually was the Rabbi for his funeral.  (He told a story of how Carl loved hunting and every weekend he would hunt “peasants”.  It was a nice, unintentional ice breaker for a funeral.)  My link to the Jewish world had literally died.  I had Jewish friends, but they either ultra-Reformed or secular Israeli.  I hung out with all Irish Catholic kids.  It seemed that I was the “Jew” in our crowd.  But I really wasn’t.

I didn’t go to Synagogue.  I didn’t celebrate holidays.  But I knew I was Jew.  There were times when our crowd got into fights because someone would call me call me an and anti-Semitic slur.  Actual physical fights.  I definitely regret fighting, but at the same time I feel a sense of pride for sticking up for my people.

So about 12 years go by and I am virtually void of any religion.   I can’t say that I was looking for any either.  Then I met the love of my life, .  It was the closest thing to Divine intervention I have ever been a part of.  She is the reason that I am involved in the process of conversion.    She is a proud Jewish Woman who wants to raise Jewish children with a Jewish husband.  I respected her wishes and started going to holiday services.  Then we started to discuss conversion and I begrudgingly went to the classes.

At first, I thought the process of conversion was a waste.  I thought that I had a birth-rite to being Jewish.  I was circumcised.  My Grandfather was Jewish.  This changed once I started to going through the classes and learning about Judaism.  The realization came over me that I was not truly Jewish…in a religious sense.  I felt part of a greater Jewish community and had a sense of Arevut, but I wasn’t religiously or spiritually indebted to be being Jewish.

            Throughout the classes, and meeting with Rabbi and Rebbetzin Ginsburg, I started to learn more about the history of the Jewish people, values and religious traditions.  I was immediately intrigued by the value of Bechirah Chofshit and the idea that we are able to make out own decisions and our actions are not dictated by God.  God does judge these actions and decisions, but they are yours to make.  The entire idea of accountability for your actions is something I believed in prior to and I was relieved that ideas I hold were in tune with Judaism.

            I also really like the idea that life comes first in Judaism and striving to preserve life is one of the most important values.  There always seems to be a sense of living only for the afterlife with other religions or not concentrating on what we have in front of us.  Living life and celebrating it with our community and our loved ones.  This is a value that I identify with.

            Prior to the conversion process, I was going to Temple only for the High Holy Days, for the last 3 years or so.  Marci and I started to bring Judaism more into our home and we have lit candles for Shabbat and she has exposed to me living the life of Jew.  We have also made numerous trips to services.  I have to admit that I have not gone as much as I have liked to, but I am trying to get to services more frequently and will make a much more concerted effort to get to Temple.  The aspect I like most about going to services is the stories for the Torah and the lessons from them.  I have been reading the Torah more and really find the stories to be interesting and I through them I feel that I am finding out more about my heritage and am laying a foundation for my future as a Jew.

            I hope this has shed some light on my decision for conversion and my background.  Over the last 3 years I have taken Judaism and God into my life and I sincerely want for Judaism to take me in as well.