Why I want to be Jewish:

and other aspects of Jewish life

Table of Contents:

Chapter 1:  The process that lead me to want to become Jewish                                    3      

Chapter 2:  Values                                                                             5

Chapter 3:   How is Judaism more appropriate for me than Christianity?         6

Chapter 4 :  How has my life changed?                                                                7

Chapter 5:  Sense of identity within the Jewish community?           8

Chapter 6:  How to fulfill the mitzvah of tzedakah?                        9

Chapter 7:  My commitment to prayer, Shabbat and Kashruit.                 10     

Chapter 8:  Plans for the future, Jewish Study?                               11

Chapter 1  

I remember sitting in church services on Sunday mornings listening to the pastor preach, and the congregation recite prayers, all the while thinking to myself “do I really believe all of this?”  I have always had a difficult time reconciling the fact that Christians believe that Jesus, a Jewish man is the messiah, and yet the Jewish people do not recognize him as the messiah.  As a 14 year old, I could see the issue with this statement.  Armed with this confusion I began studying for my confirmation into the church of my parents.  During this two-year process of classes and discussions, I raised many issues, questions and I received very few satisfactory answers.  I completed my classes and was confirmed per the wishes on my parents.

            I remember one Sunday morning towards the end of my confirmation studies, when while sitting in church I asked myself if maybe I wasn’t Jewish.  It just came out of the blue and that thought has resonated with me through my almost 15-year journey towards today.  The thought started out small, and it was a little frightening; the idea of rejecting the very basis of my families’ religion, the idea that my parents will not be happy, proud, or accepting of my religious choice thus holding me in a state of suspended animation for many years.

            Throughout college, I frequented every denomination of church in the county, ranging from Southern Baptist, Methodist, and Mormon to Catholic searching for “something”.  I began reading and researching the religions of Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism.  Each of these religions was discarded for various reasons; not the least of which was none brought to me the sense of peace, belonging and understanding that I was seeking.  True I was naive to believe that when I found my true religion I would experience a spiritual awakening, however I clung to that thought in the hopes that someday I would feel I belonged.

            I can look back seeing that with each closed book, and each finished hymn, I was systematically eliminating religions, all the while wondering about Judaism.  After college I met and married a man who is very different from me and my cultural background. We settled in a very quite, Jewish neighborhood within walking distance to five Orthodox Synagogues.  My interest was piqued; however, I was never brave enough to attend services at any of these synagogues.  Once my marriage ended, I made a pact with myself that I would do the things that make me happy, for me.

            I moved home with my parents, began a new job, and began dating a new man, who happens to be Jewish by birth.  I found myself asking him questions about Judaism that Rabbi’s would know, but most laypersons would not.  He would always tell me to ask his mom because he didn’t know.  For a while, I was satisfied asking his mom these questions, but eventually I decided that I needed to know more.  So I invested in a book, “The Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Judaism”.  One book led to another, I soon realized that what I feel and what I believe to be true is described in the pages of these books.  I eventually realized that I need to “be” Jewish, not just feel Jewish. 

            While the classes are amazing and I leave each having learned many new elements of Judaism; it is the actual practice of Judaism that fills my soul with gladness.  Even my first experience at services was nothing short of all that I had hoped for in a spiritual sense.  I truly felt at home and at peace. 

            I ask myself why I would want to convert, as this is a frequent question from those who know of my intentions.  The best thing I can do is tell a sad story to illustrate why I want to be Jewish.  On the 11^th of Av, my boyfriends’ cousin, who is not much older than I am, passed away. We attended the funeral, and I watched as all of the friends of this man, regardless of religion took part in a beautiful tradition.  Each placed a shovel of dirt into the grave on the coffin at the end of the service.  I watched as the mound of soil decreased with each person.  Towards the end, there was still soil remaining and very few mourners.  The grounds crew began to move in to finish the process, the three brothers of the deceased asked them to stop, and each took a shovel to finish the process themselves.  As I watched these men with their tear filled eyes, I was moved to tears for the first time in years.  And my thoughts were, if a religion and a people are so meticulous, loving, thoughtful and respectful with how they treat the deceased; imagine the feeling to live among that people each day. 

Chapter 2  

My favorite values that we learned about in class are, Ahavat ha-Beriot, Chesed, Rachamin, and Tsa’ar Ba’alei Chayyim.  In short, the belief that we should be kind to all of God’s creatures, not just ourselves or our neighbors.  As an animal lover and a daughter of an environmental science teacher, it is important to me that we as conscientious humans with the ability for thought and compassion use our free will to care for and nurture all of God’s creatures and creations.  The compassion “mandated” in the Jewish value system is very endearing.  It is our responsibility and our privilege to help, take care of and nurture those less fortunate.  If that extends to the lame dog down the street, the neighbor going through difficult times, or starting a recycling program within your building, then so be it.  It is our duty to take care of God’s creation, and I am thrilled that the Jewish people take these directions from God seriously.

Chapter 3  

One God.  That is the main reason that I know Judaism is more appropriate for me than any other religion.  I was raised in a Christian home, and I know that while my upbringing claimed to worship only one God, my father summed up the main difference for me one day when we were discussing my interest in Judaism.  He commented that Jewish people don’t have the same God as Christians.  To which I replied, “Sure they do.  Why do you think Jews would have a different God?”  My dad innocently replied, we believe in the holy trinity as God.  You know, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.  At that moment, I understood fully why I never felt a sense of belonging or acceptance within the Christian church.  I believe in one God and when I pray to God, I don’t do so through an intermediary.  (That idea always seemed a bit silly to me.) 

Another key part to why Judaism is more appropriate for me, is the concept of Messiah.  My upbringing wanted me to believe that the messiah had already arrived, and we are waiting for the Day of Judgment, and regardless of what I did in my life I would be saved.  I disagree fully.  I know that when the messiah comes, our world will transform and be a beautiful place, where everyone lives peacefully together.  I also do not fear the coming of the messiah as some would have you fear the “second coming”.  While a person should be judged by God at the appropriate time, God is loving and merciful, and while respected is not to be feared.  I also believe that each person will be judged according to how they lived their life.  I should live justly and respectfully not assuming that someone else is going to take care of any issues.  I am held accountable for my actions, and I am responsible for their outcome.  

Chapter 4  

On a personal level, I have become a teacher of Judaism (albeit a novice) to my friends, family, Jews and non-Jews, even co-workers.  Some people ask questions to test my knowledge, others ask to increase their already limited knowledge, and others ask because they don’t have any real understanding of Judaism and I am their only contact to Judaism.  Each time I can share an answer, a little story that Rabbi Ginsburg or Gail has passed on, each little morsel of information helps solidify my knowledge, understanding and it reinforces my desire to be Jewish.  Each time I talk about Judaism, I get more excited about it. 

On a spiritual and domestic level I have changed as well.  I actually enjoy attending services.  I feel fulfilled, and at peace within me.  I listen to the sermons, and I examine the text of the Torah as we read it.  At home, I have become more conscious about what we eat, when we eat.  I am also more conscious about when we clean, when we have our leisure and other small changes for Shabbat. 

In the future, I foresee more observance of Shabbat, holidays, and other elements of Judaism.  I do intend to have Shabbat dinners regularly when I have children of my own.  I am slowly working Jewish elements into our daily life, and over time, the shock of change will not be so great. 

Chapter 5  

            Israel is a central part of Judaism, but currently my personal connection with Israel is in my compassion and concern for the people who live there, and their continued safety.  While I do not feel a strong physical connection, I do feel a spiritual one, knowing this is the land God set aside for all Jews.  I am sure through time I will come to develop a greater connection with Israel the country.  Perhaps if I visit Israel, my connectedness with the physical country of Israel will increase.

            My local community of Jewish life revolves around a few families, but as time goes on my personal community expands.  To me, my local community is not only where I live, but where I work and spend time.  The area I currently live is far removed from any functioning synagogues, but in my building 1/3 of the residents are Jewish with mezuzah on their door.  By chance, many of the friends and acquaintances I have made in the past few years have been Jewish.  My working environment is slightly more Jewish, in that it is closer to numerous synagogues, and even the people who work there were raised in Jewish homes. 

            Currently my connection with the synagogue is spiritual in nature.  I know that once I have children I will become more active in their education, and their experience in synagogue life.  But for now, I immensely enjoy attending services, speakers and other events that the synagogue hosts. 

Chapter 6  

            The mitzvah of tzedkah is a phenomenal.  The concept is not only to be charitable, but to be righteous as well.  While my financial resources are currently more limited than I would like, in time that situation will change.  If before that time I can be helpful, to others who need my help aside from monetarily I feel I will have fulfilled part of this great mitzvah.  Examples of this would be helping to deliver boxes of foods at senior homes for the High Holidays, or helping my brother move into his new home.

            Giving to charity does not have to be difficult or taxing.  I donate my clothes to Am-vets or Purple Hearts when I no longer fit, or I no longer wear something.  These small efforts are helping others.  Yes donating to the American Cancer Society to support friends walking, or in honor of a loved one who has died, is a wonderful thing, these grand gestures can not currently occur each day, yet there are small acts of charity and kindness that we can perform each day.  For me, trying to perform some act of help, kindness, or charity each day is a goal for me to fulfill tzedakah. 

Chapter 7  

            My commitment to Shabbat and Kashrut are still developing.  I have added blessings over Shabbat candles, Challah, and wine to most of my Friday night dinners.  And while we do not yet have a kosher kitchen, I am slowly phasing out the non-kosher and reading the labels and markings on items I purchase more closely. 

            At some point in the near future I plan on marriage, and at that point I will be able to ask for gifts that will enable me to have a kosher kitchen; items such as separate pots and pans, along with separate dishes.  These items, are easily added to my kitchen, and with the dietary changes I am slowly making to our meals, we will have a kosher home in the future. 

            I know to change over night would be to drastic, and I would never be able to maintain a kosher Jewish home, but over time, I know that with small changes, I can adjust and adapt, making the transition seem smooth and effortless.  Keeping Shabbat, is an important aspect of Jewish life, and I really feel that now we keep Shabbat some of the time, but I would like us to keep Shabbat most of the time, and when we have children, I would like to keep Shabbat dinners each week, and services most weeks.  I feel that religion is an important aspect of growth and development, and I feel that the Jewish religion will offer my children the best basis for personal growth, understanding and development.