So, as the seeds started to grow stronger roots, and as I started learning more, I stopped celebrating Christmas, Halloween, and other holidays. I also started to pray to G-D directly, and not to the man they call Jesus. I believe in a “direct-line” of communication with my maker, and continue to pray that way. About 3-4 years ago, as time went by and the seeds began to slowly and surely begin to blossom, I began to study Judaism on my own, and started identifying with the Jewish people. Now I am at the point where I am ready to convert, and I am completely happy about my decision. I feel like this is exactly where I am supposed to be, and I am comfortable with that. As my life has unfolded, I am finally content, and I want this for myself and my children. I cannot explain the joy that I feel now that I am home. I know in my heart, this is right where I am supposed to be.
Jewish values and Beliefs I find most appealing
The Jewish value system is my favorite thing to mention when I talk about why I am converting. The values behind Judaism provide a positive framework, for which my family and I can live by and believe in. When studying the value system, and the Thirteen Principles of Faith, I found myself strongly agreeing with the things I was learning. Many of the values I had already incorporated into my life for quite some time, and it was a relief to know that I could find a religion that believes in a lot of the same concepts that I too believe, and was raised with.
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It was hard to narrow the values down to specific ones that I felt most connected with, so I chose the ones that I personally had life experience with, not just the ones I liked most. For example, “Lo Ta’amod al Dam Re’echa,” the prohibition against violence toward others, is near and dear to me.
Many years ago, I was in a very abusive relationship. So abusive, my daughter was taken from me by my ex’s parents, because I had lost the will to fight back anymore. There were numerous times when I needed help, and people I knew, and strangers alike, did nothing to help me. Sometimes, I got hit or talked down to in public, and needed the help of others, and people just starred as they drove by and did nothing, or while some members of my own family ignored what was happening. Instead, they judged me for staying with him for so long, and they wondered how I could be so stupid. Thankfully, after I finally had enough, I was blessed with people in my life, that helped me through the tough times. It’s hard to imagine how people could be idols in situations like these, because they don’t want to get involved. After years of gaining my confidence back, I vowed that if I was ever in a situation where I could help, I would never stand by and let that happen to another human being or animal again. Which brings me to another related value which I feel strongly about, “Halbanat Panim.” The experience of being humiliated in public, is a horrible feeling. I’ve personally felt it, and it makes a person feel so low. That may be why I have chosen my career choice, which is nursing. I get to help people, at which sometimes, is the lowest point of their lives. I get to return the favor that G-D has given me, and I am happy about that, because I genuinely want to help people.
Even in nursing school, a person is taught to always remember the dignity of the patient, whether that means to be cautious of talking about a person’s condition in public, right down to keeping the door closed for the patient’s privacy. I am glad I chose this field, which lets me help those in need, and lets me be thankful for where I am in life today.
How Is Judaism Appropriate for Me?
When I claimed to be a Christian, I often questioned, why do they put so much emphasis on Jesus Christ? Every time they pray, they pray in Jesus’ name and if you don’t take Jesus as your savior, you’re “damned.” Which also leads me to the whole “Trinity thing.” What about one G-D? I don’t mean to sound judgmental, but frankly, I just don’t believe in ideas like these, nor do I want my children growing up learning these types of things either. Not to mention a whole other host of ideas.
Judaism is appropriate for me for numerous reasons. First, the more I learn about Judaism, I enjoy it. What do I mean you may ask? This is something I strive to learn about wholeheartedly because I want to, not because I have to.
Secondly, I believe I am becoming a better person. Since I have been studying, I try very hard to be more aware of my actions, and how they affect others. My choices, everything from giving tzedekah, to eating Kosher, to giving my time to help others, all have a positive effect on me and my surroundings. I think it’s a beautiful thing to teach my children, and I should lead by example. Of course I understand I don’t have to be Jewish to do these things, but it’s making choices with a higher meaning.
I have always believed in a lot of these teachings, but practicing the Jewish faith inspires me to do more. It’s belonging to a community with similar backgrounds and values as my own. Something about that inspires people. Not to mention, a basic duty to be responsible for and to each other, and have that connection throughout the world with other Jews. I think if I were to pick a favorite holiday, it would be Rosh Hashanah. Celebrating every new year with the opportunity to reflect inward, evaluate oneself and one’s behavior, is a powerful, cleansing and spiritual act. This will help me to become a better person by making me look inward at my faults and my wrongdoing, and praying to G-D for forgiveness. This is something I need in my life, because by no means, am I perfect.
I enjoy going to services, and affiliating with the congregation. I feel comfortable just being myself. I don’t feel like I have to pretend to be anyone that I am not.
How My Life Has Changed Because of Judaism
I have identified myself with the Jewish faith for quite some time because of my father’s influence, and because of what I have studied on my own. I have stopped claiming to be Christian, and consider myself Jewish. There is no turning back! My path in life has led me to this point, and I have never felt more comfortable, than with my decision. I am finally completely content. I feel this is exactly where I am supposed to be, and after years of searching, I am finally home. It’s almost hard to describe in words, but I feel like I was led down this path for a reason and I am proud to identify with the Jewish people.
Unfortunately, that also means at times, being a part of anti-Semitism, which I have experienced already, and willing to defend against. There have been a few different situations where I have been treated differently by others, once they found out that I consider myself Jewish, and that I am converting. For instance, “Counting the Jews “ jokes on Christmas day at work, and being the target of “caring” people I work with that are trying to”save” me by talking to me about Jesus Christ, and inviting me to bible studies, etc. Even some members of my family are unsure of how to treat me now that I am, “different.” I am okay with that. I love these members of my family, but I have to do what is right for me and my children. In my heart, this feels right for us.
My awareness of what to eat and how to eat has also changed. For example, I adopted a vegetarian lifestyle because of an awareness of the cruelty to animals and what it says in the Torah in numerous places, about how and what we should eat. If in fact, once and a while, IF I get the desire to eat meat, I only eat Kosher meat and I try my best to purchase Kosher food products that contain rabbinic certification.
My Future Commitments
I am currently trying to establish a completely Kosher kitchen. My awareness of what to eat and how to eat has also changed. For example, I adopted a vegetarian lifestyle because of an awareness of the cruelty to animals and what it says in the Torah in numerous places, about how and what we should eat. If in fact, once and a while, IF I get the desire to eat meat, I only eat Kosher meat and I try my best to purchase Kosher food products that contain rabbinic certification for my family and me.
Currently, my son and I are learning Hebrew, and I try to attend services regularly. I plan on going more frequently to some of the social doings, and even enrolling my five-year-old son in Hebrew school this fall. Also, I am planning to give my time and donations to help Jews and non Jews all over the world. Since I will be a new nurse, I am also looking into spending some time with the Magen David Adom ( MDA)project, which is a relief effort program for people in crises that need pre-hospital emergency care. As far as the Sabbath goes, every Sabbath we participate in saying our blessings, lighting the candles, blessing the wine and eating challah. It is now a tradition for us that we look forward to! It’s nice to see my son singing along with me when we say our blessings. I have so much more to learn, and I am ready for a lifetime of continuing my Jewish education.
Conclusion
For me, writing this took a lot of inner reflection, and I even Tried to avoid it at times when it got so deep. But this has helped me to remember where I’ve been, and look forward to where I am going. Thank you for the opportunity to share a part of my story with you. I promise to be a faithful Jewish woman. I am turning over a new leaf, and this is just the beginning . . .
